We live in a generation where people have hundreds of Instagram followers and Facebook friends – maybe even thousands. But how many of these connections are really connections? We’re all familiar with that awkward moment when you run into someone whose pictures you “like” on a regular basis, but don’t really know in real life. How did we get here in the first place? Social media has successfully created a parallel universe that is centered in a false reality. These awkward moments are proof that social media platforms may give users followers, but never any real connections. 

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            There are two key elements that contribute to this development of fake relationships: false intimacy and social distance (Formica). These relationships are fostered through a screen, and therefore scientifically cannot be as intimate as relationships that are fostered face to face. Psychotherapist Michael J. Formica illustrates this concept with an example: the rate of airmen who fly drones over the Middle East stations in Colorado who suffer from PTSD is significantly lower than the troops who fight in face to face combat (Formica). Makes sense, doesn't it?

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            This idea that social media is capable of giving users real connections is extremely detrimental in our every day lives. We begin to focus more on these false relationships rather than our real relationships. Instead of talking to those around us, we sit on our phones and scroll through Instagram. I think this is overall socially harmful because we begin to lose sight of how to really connect with people. An example of this is a bad habit we all have of checking our phones while we're mid-conversation with another individual. This hurts our relationship in that it shows the other person that we do not care enough about their story to put our phone away for 5 minutes. There is also no way that we can absorb the entirety of the story if we are constantly distracted. Therefore, instead of nourishing our intimate relationships with loved ones, we spend time nourishing our false relationships with other social media users.

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            The main idea that revolved around the creation of social media is that it can help us connect with our loved ones. For example, if a relative who lives in a different state has a baby, social media allows us to view pictures and stories of the baby on a regular basis. In a way, it allows us to be part of our loved ones' experiences without actually being present. There is nothing wrong with this concept. However, stalking our cousins Facebook page shouldn’t have superiority over actually calling to hear the same stories. This is what social media has evolved into. It has become a way for us to stay updated in our loved ones’ lives without having to truly connect and bond with them. The main difference between these are that scrolling through Instagram and “liking” your relative’s photo, is different than actually picking up the phone and calling them. A call shows you cared enough to think about them specifically. An Instagram “like” shows that you had time in between classes and filled it by going through all of your social media apps.

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            Social media gives us the idea that we know everything about a person – just by stalking their Facebook page. This has all different kinds of consequences, from judging them for the seemingly low number of “likes” they receive to feeling bad about ourselves if we feel we haven’t achieved as much as they’ve appeared to have done. As Becky Swig argues in an opinion article on the negative effects of social media, “What is bad about following people we do not personally know… is that it gives off a false sense of reality – it makes us think that we know them… even though we don’t really know anything personal about them… I really just make assumptions based on what they share” (Swig).  

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            The final point I want to touch on is the biological aspect of this false-connection phenomenon. Why do we do it? The 1890s physiological study done by Ivan Pavlov concluded that ringing the bell that signaled meal time for the dogs would make them salivate whether he brought food or not. More modern brain scan research has concluded that people have more brain activity anticipating a reward then receiving one. This is why we find so much pleasure in hearing our phone go off from a text message or Facebook “like”, a dopamine loop is set off in your brain (Redmon). Therefore, we yearn for this instant gratification (of that “ping”) and overlook the continuous connections happening right in front of us. This explains why we continue to focus on brief and immediate gratification over real-life connections.

 

 

 

 

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 Resources

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Swig, Becky. “Social Media Creates False Sense of Connection.” Old Gold & Black, wfuogb.com/2016/01/social-media-creates-false-sense-of-connection/.

 

Redmon, Michele. “Social Media and the Illusion of Intimacy.” The Huffington Post, TheHuffingtonPost.com, 31 Jan. 2015, www.huffingtonpost.com/michele-redmon/social-media-and-the-illusion-of-intimacy_b_6584974.html.

 

Formica, Michael J. “The False Face of Our Social Media Persona.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 18 Oct. 2010, www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/201010/the-false-face-our-social-media-persona.